Greetings from Billings, MT. I traveled with my Beth Moore groupies to attend the Beth Moore "Living Proof" event in Big Sky Country. How could I have fathomed how much my life would change between my decision to purchase a ticket and the actual event? Initially, I wondered how I would squeeze in the conference while strategically planning the clinic's impending relocation? Then, how could I have anticipated the shock and horror of losing my position at the clinic and wondering if limited finances would interfere with my ability to take the trip?
As I was reminded in the very first session, God ordained every one's attendance. If you have never experienced extreme worship with 4500+ women, I cannot begin to convey it with mere words. To stand shoulder to shoulder, arms raised, eyes closed, lifting songs of praise to our Maker while laying our hearts open before our King transcends earth and takes us into the presence of our risen Savior--right where I needed to be.
Beth Moore confirmed in one session the answer to a question I had refused to answer, "Is it time for me to move?" Unfortunately, I had been an uncooperative pupil. Rather than acknowledging the need for a "time out" due to being overwhelmed, over-worked, weary, and heavy-laden I chose to continue carrying a cross that God was instructing me to put down. (I had entertained the thought of a sabbatical, but could not envision how that was a viable option.) Why should I put down "MY Cross"? MY calling? MY ministry? MY purpose? How could He ask me to let go of something that means so much to me, especially when there is so much work yet to be done? How could he allow something so injustice to happen to me? Could it be that I had shown him there was not enough of me for both him and the clinic, too? I refused to move, so he moved me. I got my sabbatical and he got me.
My once full days are now new found opportunities to see my Savior and to hear his voice. They are no longer muffled by the noise of life. No need to rush~time is a commodity that has been recovered. Yes. my heart is broken. Real regret. Deep hurt. Old wounds. New Cuts. Saving Grace. Redemption Stories. I will continue to meet him in the Secret Place, my heart will mend, my stamina will return, He is in control, I will trust and obey.....
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Summer 2008 has been memorable--both good and bad. Despite the lack of blog entries, it has been anything but boring! Dylan completed second grade and settled into his daily routine at the Boy's and Girl's Club.
In July, the clinic was notified that the space it had occupied rent-free for 5 years would be demolished in 60 days. We were scrambling to secure low-cost/no-cost space to continue services uninterrupted while struggling to meet the growing needs. I was blindsided by the Board's decision to "restructure" and eliminate my role at the clinic in mid- August. To say it has been difficult would be an understatement. My heart, once again, has been ripped out and stomped upon. I am reeling--trying to pick up the pieces and figure out where I go from here. So much of who I had become was related to the many hats I wore at the clinic.
My days are amazingly open now and it is an unfamiliar place for me. After a month in my black hole, I am beginning to come back among the living. People have very supportive and several have shared their stories of similar injustices. Having learned never to say "Never", I will have to think long and hard before working for another Board of Directors in the near future. For me it would be an invitation to be abused. Knowing God has been faithful in the past, I am trusting he will be faithful in the future. Besides, He holds it all in his very large capable hands. I am looking for my next opportunity and to date have a couple of viable leads. Hoping I can transfer my experiences and passions into another worthwhile cause.
Kelly is getting more home cooked meals and fresh baked treats. I am volunteering in Dylan's classroom and with the United Way Campaign and focusing on Mom-things. Trying to use this unexpected sabbatical to work on my "to-do" list and carve out some me time to heal my wounded spirit. We will sent some pictures and other updates soon.
In July, the clinic was notified that the space it had occupied rent-free for 5 years would be demolished in 60 days. We were scrambling to secure low-cost/no-cost space to continue services uninterrupted while struggling to meet the growing needs. I was blindsided by the Board's decision to "restructure" and eliminate my role at the clinic in mid- August. To say it has been difficult would be an understatement. My heart, once again, has been ripped out and stomped upon. I am reeling--trying to pick up the pieces and figure out where I go from here. So much of who I had become was related to the many hats I wore at the clinic.
My days are amazingly open now and it is an unfamiliar place for me. After a month in my black hole, I am beginning to come back among the living. People have very supportive and several have shared their stories of similar injustices. Having learned never to say "Never", I will have to think long and hard before working for another Board of Directors in the near future. For me it would be an invitation to be abused. Knowing God has been faithful in the past, I am trusting he will be faithful in the future. Besides, He holds it all in his very large capable hands. I am looking for my next opportunity and to date have a couple of viable leads. Hoping I can transfer my experiences and passions into another worthwhile cause.
Kelly is getting more home cooked meals and fresh baked treats. I am volunteering in Dylan's classroom and with the United Way Campaign and focusing on Mom-things. Trying to use this unexpected sabbatical to work on my "to-do" list and carve out some me time to heal my wounded spirit. We will sent some pictures and other updates soon.
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