So much has happened since my last post. My friend, Kathy Sanford, and I are kindred spirits in so many areas. We both have good intentions that we struggle to keep in check--our devotion to our blogs being one of them (and our desire to someday be organized and "in control"). It's hard to believe another year has almost come to a close--how could I have fathomed another year riddled with unexpected surprises and life's unplanned detours?

The fall allowed me time to reflect and regain my balance after leaving the clinic. I was in awe as God provided for us financially through my sabbatical. I was blessed to secure a temporary position in the State of Wyoming's Department of Health's Immunization Section managing a grant funded pilot program. It's been a good place to land while I continue my pursuit of a permanent position. It has allowed some flexibility, including the continuation of my Tuesday morning Bible Study group. I am hopeful a future position will allow me time with the girls each Tuesday. We will begin Beth Moore's "Esther" in January. God knows I need the structure of a regular study and the accountability it includes. Since returning to work, I have struggled to meet God in the Secret Place each day, as a result I have floundered. Why do I find myself in this place over and over again? Is this what the Apostle Paul meant when he failed to do what he should do and did what he was not suppose to do? I KNOW how much better my life is when I am obedient. I KNOW the peace that comes from being within God's will for my life. I KNOW my path is so much clearer when I walk with HIM. Why oh why do I do what I do????? End of another year and another chance to start over........

The holidays have been mostly good. Unfortunately, they started on shaky ground. Thanksgiving was especially difficult. Although I never completely wrapped my brain around it, I concluded that all the losses of the past few years hit me like a ferocious wave--knocking me off my feet. In retrospect, I realized I was grieving for so many losses--The loss of a father, grandparents, a marriage, a life, a career, and other casualties both big and small. I was keenly aware that what I was missing--what I was yearning for--no longer existed. I was thankful my funk was short-lived and the Christmas season ended better than it began. A friend who also lost her father unexpectedly summed it up concisely when she said there is something about losing our Daddys that leaves us very vulnerable--men may come and go, but our Daddy's are always in our corner. Something irreplaceable happens when they are no longer here on earth for us.

Bless Kelly's heart. He stood by me even though he was unable to comprehend the depth and breadth of my turmoil and sadness. Even though I missed going home for Christmas, it was a relief not to join the masses on planes, trains and automobiles in their attempt to be home for Christmas. Ours was mostly quiet and enjoyable. Unlike my previous life, Kelly goes out of his way to make holidays special and he is very creative and considerate with his gift-giving. He could hardly contain his excitement when he presented me with a little gold box containing diamond and emerald (my birthstone) earrings. New memory for my computer (to make make my life easier), speakers for my MP3 player (t0 make my life a little more enjoyable), a special mug (to make my life a little more comfortable), a new charm bracelet (to make my life a little more memorable), a new candle (to make my life a little sweeter smelling), a new book (to make a little more sense of my life), a new jacket (to make me feel better about myself) and other thoughful gestures.

As I am bombarded with news--almost all bad--it is reassuring to know that family and friends supercede what earthly possessions that are so easily be lost. May my eyes be focused on the eternal--on the important things--in the coming year.